Is Our Society Becoming More Rude?
Last week I read a blog post from a fellow blogger which started an interesting conversation about rude behaviour in our society. On the heels of the infamous “You lie!” outburst during President Obama’s speech to Congress and Kanye West’s interruption of Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech during the MTV Video Music Awards, she wondered if these are signs that our society is becoming more disrespectful of others. Although this question initially brought forth memories of my own encounters of churlish behaviour while driving, walking in shopping malls, and interacting with others on various social outlets on the internet, it also made me realize that there’s some hope to be found in these examples of uncivilized behaviour.
No, I’m not a magician. Just read on and you’ll see.
First off, I think part of the problem is that nowadays when people choose to be rude – and let’s make no bones about it, people do have a choice and can control how they conduct themselves around others – they pretty much go for broke. There’s no subtlety to their unruly conduct; instead, it’s right there in your face. And because of this, we can’t help but notice this boorish behaviour when we’re out driving, shopping at the grocery store, or anywhere else where people congregate. Indeed, there are times where you almost get the feeling that these types are feeling entitled to behave they way they do, that they deserve some slack being cut their way for how they conduct themselves.
So, if people are choosing to be more disrespectful than we’ve seen before, what good is there to be found in all of this? Well, the good is that most of us are still noticing it and most importantly, calling others on it. Does that mean the offender will take ownership and apologize for their behaviour? Not necessarily, but that’s okay because what we’re also doing is showing everyone around us that this kind of conduct is just not acceptable. Imagine instead that whenever such rude behaviour was demonstrated, we’d simply shrug our collective shoulders and sigh that this is the way of the world, not bothering to utter any word of displeasure or disgust at such a display. For me, such a situation would be far worse because at that point, we’ve not only learned to accept uncivilized behaviour as being par for the course, but we’ve also lost the drive and will to take a stand and say ‘Sorry, but I refuse to accept that kind of behaviour’.
But what about the issue of whether, as a society, we’re becoming more rude? Is the balance starting to lean toward more of us exhibiting rude behaviour instead of showing courtesy and respect to others? I don’t think so, as I believe what this is all about is a matter of perception, of what events get caught on our collective radar. I’m certain that if we were to list moments where we’ve seen or heard someone act with rudeness, and compare this to gestures we witnessed in that same time period which showed the opposite side of humanity – the good, caring and sympathetic side of ourselves – the latter would easily surpass in number those times where we find ourselves dismayed with the conduct of others.
But if I’m right, that we’ll encounter more good than bad in our interactions with others, how come we’re not noticing it more? Why aren’t we seeing more coverage on the news, more mentions of it our conversations and such? Honestly, I’d like to think that this is simply because we expect such behaviour from others; that we don’t see it as being a big deal that someone would treat us with courtesy and respect. Obviously, we still appreciate it when people treat us in this fashion. But I think for most of us, it still comes as no shock to see people around us behaving with civility and a sense of decency toward others.
Is it being a bit of a half-full glass to expect the good in others? Perhaps. Then again, it could simply be that it’s also the human thing to do.
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Wow Tanveer – I am honored that my post prompted such great thoughts from you! And I must say I agree with you. Since writing that post, my Tribe (which includes you) has shown me that I can filter and find whatever I want in the world – thus creating my own reality.
I'm choosing to filter and find the extraordinarily good people in this world. They are abundant – everywhere I look, actually.
Thank you for being one of them.
Hi Sarah,
Thank you for you kind words and I'm glad to hear it.
You know, in a lot of ways, how this piece came about reflects rather well the ideas I wrote about in this post. After seeing and discussing these high-profile examples of disrespectful behaviour, people weren't deflated or bitter that we were becoming more and more uncivilized each day. Instead, we inspired each other to focus on the good, the recall those moments where people gave a helping hand instead of pushing each other down.
That is after all how this piece came about, by your asking the question that got me to ponder how perceive the situation – of what I choose to feature prominently in my reality. And as you can see, I choose to focus on the good and not let those who choose to be disrespectful of others make me lose sight of the more nobler ones among us.
Thanks again, Sarah, for starting this conversation and for sharing your thoughts here.
Tanveer,
Sad but true that our society has become less thoughtful of others and less mindful of manners and self-discipline. As you pointed out, driving is an area where this is very evident on a daily basis. It seems that the majority feel that they should not have to wait for anyone else and think nothing of cutting in or disregarding the rules. It's as if once they get behind the wheel, all "niceties" go out the window. When confronted with rude drivers, I try to remind myself that it's not personally aimed at me but rather someone venting from some other negativity going on in their life.
I believe that it does start at home, because children need to be taught what is appropriate behavior. They also need to learn compassion and gratitude. My children say "no, thank you" and "yes, please" because from an early age we expected them to do so. I believe that when you expect more, they will usually rise up to meet that expectation. After meals, they say "thank you for the great meal, lunch, dinner, etc." One of my daughters' boyfriends was appalled at this because to him, it is expected that your parents feed you without having to thank them. The point being, my children don't have to thank us, but they do because they have been taught gratitude. Good manners have definately become the exception rather than the rule.
~BIGstLittleCity ~WomanWifeMomMe
Hi Tele,
It's interesting that this boyfriend in question has the expectation that children should be fed by parents, but parents not have the expectation that children show appreciation for being cared for. It certainly brings to light the idea I mentioned above that people who exhibit such callous behaviour often do so out of some misplaced notion that they are entitled to behave in such a manner.
I agree with you that it is very important that parents take the lead in teaching their children how to be considerate, compassionate members of our society. However, I think we can also spread the idea through our interactions with others, of showing a simple act of kindness or respect to a complete stranger we encounter in those public spaces, like saying "thank you" to the waiter who refills our glass of water. Is it his job to do that? Sure, but that doesn't mean we can't show our appreciation for the gesture.
I know that when I have some total stranger extend to me some common courtesy, it reminds me that despite those few disrespectful individuals we all inevitably encounter, there are still many thoughtful, decent people out there. By passing such gestures along to other total strangers, I hope others might also realize that while the rudest among us get our attention, it's the respectful and compassionate among us who get our gratitude.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and experiences on this.
Yours is an excellent post. To minimize the effect that the rudeness which we see increasing exponentially has on us, it seems we must become more aware and more mindful of the sensitive and thoughtful communications, and also be prepared to respond to them with gratitude.
Affirmation: Today I will record positive things in my life and make no record of the negative.
Hi timethief,
Thank you for commenting on my piece. It really is amazing how powerful perception can be to how we see a situation or surrounding. Some could look at a disaster zone and see chaos and destruction; others instead could see people helping total strangers in their greatest time of need, putting aside their own concerns or worries.
The same goes for how we take in rude behaviour. We can let it consume us, blind us to all other conduct around us. Or we can use it to remind us of the kindness and respect we've encountered and how those moments made us feel. The simple truth is that we can't control how others behave, but we can certainly control how we respond to it and what we choose to send out there into the world around us.
Thanks again, timethief, for taking the time to share your thoughts on this.
Boy, this is a complex issue imo.
Off the top, I'd say that we are witnessing more rude behaviour. Does that translate to we as a society becoming more rude? Not so certain about that.
There are so many factors at work here. Access to bad behaviour that is repeated, or re-run, ad nauseum. I think that simple reality tends to give rise, or perhaps license to those who would might have otherwise monitored their own behaviour. Witness the town halls in the US.
That same accessibility shows us how people who are in power behave. Have they changed? Not so sure…but now we see them. If those who we used to hold in high esteem, and to a certain extent tried to emulate, suddenly come down to a level of crass behaviour, what is to prevent that same emulation from playing itself out?
Add to all of that, the times we are living in. Many are seriously dealing with financial issues, we see war every night on the news, climate change, disasters, and on and on. Surely that elevates a certain tension in all of us.
All of that said, for me it's all about choice. I choose more often than not follow the lure…though can't say it never happens. I do notice how awful I feel when I succumb.
It's not really so difficult to go through life letting things go. For me, it takes stepping outside of myself and I find life clearer there.
There is the lowest common denominator that for me signifies the easiest road.
I prefer a challenge
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Hi LibArtsAndMinds,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this issue. It certainly is a fascinating topic and I'm glad to see this piece is spurring on some insightful comments about this behaviour in our society. Without question, crude behaviour and showing disrespect toward others is a choice. Regardless of how much stress or pressure we're facing in our lives, we all have a choice as to how we want to address it; the key though is whether as a society we will permit this as being an excuse for such behaviour. As the examples I mentioned in the piece above show – along with the wonderful comments here – it would seem that the collective will is still there to challenge such conduct, no matter what the venue.
Again, I want to thank you for contributing to this great discussion about our current social mores.
Although I note that your original posting was quite some time ago, I found this site, which I thought my help me get rid of my anger and frustration.
To explain, I was incensed recently at the rude, arrogant, totally obnoxious behaviour towards me personally, by a besuited man, of around late fifties or early sixties, I think.
I take music lessons once a week in London, at a studio with a "good reputation" of courtesy towards all clients, regardless of age or gender, and on the whole, the staff are pretty courteous, most of the time.
The man I am talking about, barged into the studio, before I'd finished my hour, but was asked by my tutor if he could wait outside, as we had some minutes to go.
He went back outside, without an apology, and when I did leave, completely dismissed me with an arrogant, hostile, sideways glance, as though I was the one being rude!
It doesn't take much effort to be courteous, but rudeness like this can make a person feel there isn't much point in having good manners.
Anna
Hi Anna,
It's unfortunate that rude behaviour can really sour our mood or heighten our sense of anger or frustration. Although in most cases, there's not much we can do about the rude behaviour we encounter (other than to let the offender know how inappropriate their behaviour is), one thing we do have a choice on is how we choose to let it affect us and how we choose to deal with it.
For example, when I'm with my children and we see someone or experience someone behaving rudely, I use it as an opportunity to teach my children why this behaviour is not appropriate by discussing how this person's actions made them or those around us feel. From there, we then move on with our day because I don't want to let one person's rudeness impact my ability to enjoy my time with my children.
There's no question rude behaviour is unacceptable; however, I do think that how we choose to respond to it plays a big role in how much impact it ultimately has on ourselves and those around us.
I hope that helps, Anne and hopefully you won't encounter this person next time, that is unless he's willing to apologize for his behaviour.