Of Fathers and Daughters
Over this past long weekend, there were two events that had me thinking about the impact being a father has had on my life. The first was the news of a good friend of mine welcoming the birth of his baby daughter while the second was my family celebrating our oldest daughter’s birthday. Although they’re disparate events, they serve to highlight what I’ve experienced so far being a dad and what I expect will come around the corner in the years ahead.
Near the end of last week, my good friend Matt and his wife gave birth to a baby girl. Talking to him mere hours after the birth of his daughter and hearing him struggle for words, I couldn’t help but smile and remember how the birth of my daughters had had the same impact on me, of how seeing my newborn daughter for the very first time brought to light the reality that our family had now grown by one. You see for men, the idea of there now being this new little person sharing our life doesn’t really sink in until that moment when we meet face to face, and especially when we finally cradle this little package in our arms. Sure, thanks to our wives, we’re aware of how the baby is wrecking havoc on their bladder or that the baby’s calisthenics routine is keeping them up at night to prove the incoming change in our lives. There’s also the undeniable growing belly our wives’ start to carry and that unforgettable moment when we can actually feel our baby kicking from inside the womb. But in the end, none of these moments from the last nine months really prepare us for that big day, for that magical moment when we finally understand that there’s this little new person whose occupying a very large part of our heart. The truly amazing part is how after those first few hours of gazing at this little wonder, you really can’t imagine or remember what your life was like before they arrived.
A few days later, my family celebrated the birthday of our oldest daughter, a milestone birthday for her as it signified yet another step closer to being a teenager. And as was the case for the last few birthdays, she played the role of hostess, overseeing what activities she wanted to play with her party guests. The fact that I enjoyed her autonomy at managing her birthday parties was in start contrast to how I felt a few years earlier when my daughter first told me that she was no longer going to need my help in entertaining her friends. Back then, her statement brought forth the bittersweet reality that my little girl was slowly but surely growing up into a little woman. But just as she had done at the moment of her birth, she shone a light on how my life was going to change in the years to come and now, seeing her taking charge of her big day fills me with nothing but pride and joy, if not relief that I have one less thing to worry about.
And yet, even now I can see in the face of my daughter that newborn baby my wife and I welcomed into our lives in what seems at times a lifetime ago. Of course, with each year and each birthday celebrated comes the unmistakable truth of her growing independence, of wanting to stand on her toes to see what’s out over the horizon. As her father, I can’t help but feel pride in watching her take those formative steps to self-determination much in the same way as she took those first steps to learn how to walk. Recalling those memories of how her birth impacted my life reminds me of the road we’d taken so far as father and daughter, and now I find myself anticipating the next leg in our journey together, even though a part of me still wants to hold on to the current chapter in her life for just a little longer.
Naturally, the day will come where my daughters will go off to start their own lives, creating their own memories from the path of life they choose to take. But until that day arrives, I’m going to enjoy each moment, each memory that we’ll share, as father and daughter.
Some other posts you may enjoy:
Dear Tanveer
The feelings and experiences you write about above remind me of my Dad who often tells me about the intensity of joy and amazement he felt when he first saw me, his first baby and little girl. Now, 53 years on, he still tells me that in his eyes I'm always his little girl LOL [and I'll tell you a secret - I love it!].
It's obvious that you are a caring, sensitive and loving father. Your daughter will grow up, gain independence, but she will never forget the love you show her and the wonderful times spent together, and as time wears on, will only appreciate it more and more!
Have a wonderful day,
Marie
Hi Marie,
Thank you for your kind words. You know, my wife and I often tell each that we can't help but think we must have led boring lives before our kids came along. Sure, those spontaneous 'round midnight outings for dinner in the city are a thing of the past. But given the joy and richness our kids bring to our lives, it's something we'd gladly do without.
I do suspect that I'll always see them as my little girls, not because I don't want them to grow up, but because that's how you see your kids in your mind's eye. After all, that first meeting with them is an unforgettable one; guess it's no surprise to see it have such a lasting impact.
As parents, it's our job to help our children learn how to be the best person they can be. What we don't often realize or appreciate is that our children do the very same thing to their parents.
Thanks again, Marie, for stopping by and sharing your memories.