Real Leaders are Other Focused
Today’s piece is a guest post by S Max Brown. Max is the VP of Organizational Learning at the Recognition Management Institute and in the last ten years, he has made nearly one thousand presentations in locations all around the world. He’s taken clients rappelling on the Great Wall of China, facilitated at the Parliament of World Religions Conference in Spain, spoken to a cheering crowd in the Netherlands, and even survived a severe winter presentation in Regina, Saskatchewan.
Recently, Max and I co-wrote the guest piece, “Is Your Leadership Serving Others… or Just Yourself?” for the “Wake Up and Shake it Up” leadership series organized by Shawn Murphy at Achieved Strategies.
Executives that secure big pay packages for themselves and then lay off thousands of employees don’t inspire much loyalty or confidence. Yet examples of such corporate excess and greed are plentiful. Why are we surprised when employees don’t feel like doing their best for the organization? Why are we surprised when our organizations suffer accordingly?
Recent research finds that we become more egocentric and self-centered as we gain more power. Sometimes, we believe that we can hide our insecurities by attacking, blaming, or otherwise tearing others down. Moreover, according to Harvard Professor Clayton Christensen, we often focus on activities that yield the most tangible accomplishments while neglecting relationships because we are driven by instant gratification.
Albert Einstein made a similar observation regarding human behavior when he said:
A human being is a part of the whole, called by us the ‘universe’, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest – a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security.”
The irony is that while we desperately search for happiness in our egocentric world, we only find it once we truly value and appreciate others. While spending time creating relationships and building others up doesn’t always have an immediate payoff that can be reported on a balance sheet, it is, to use Professor Christensen’s words, “the most enduring source of happiness.”
As Einstein pointed out, “nobody is able to achieve this completely.” We will not be perfect in our quest to become more other focused. However, the benefits of “freeing ourselves” from this self-centered prison are huge. Not only will we create “a foundation for own inner security,” but we will also find the happiness we were seeking all along and help others feel good about themselves in the process.
Real Leaders are other focused. They build others up and value their contributions. The result? Goodwill is given and patience extended as people realize that their work is appreciated. As this happens, self-worth increases, confidence is built, and people start to look forward instead of constantly worrying about personal attacks. Trust is nurtured and the culture encourages high performance rather than creating fear and disengagement.
Why would any organization tear their people down when we all know that a confident and engaged workforce delivers better results? It is time to change the way we measure success. It is time to believe that building others up will ultimately make all of us more successful.
Professor Christensen sums it up perfectly by saying: “Don’t worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people.” Let us heed Einstein’s invitation to “free ourselves from this delusional prison by widening our circle of compassion” and becoming Other Focused!
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Jimmy,
Thank you for your thoughts! I agree that the tendency for egocentric behavior abounds — indeed, none of us are immune.
However, I do have hope.
I'm optimistic for the future when I meet young people volunteering in dignity camps that save young women from the slave trade (as I did recently in India). I'm optimistic as I meet executives that clearly could take more for themselves, but they decide to do right by their people AND themselves. I'm optimistic when I see how we can all make a difference.
I'm certainly not perfect at this . . . but I am encouraged when I meet people like yourself and we have these kind of conversations.
Yours in the conversation,
Max
Max:
Thoughtful guest post. We do live in an egocentric world and unfortunately I do not envision it will get better soon since we are raising a whole generation of self-focused, egocentric, what is in it for me, kids. Based on what they are witnessing I am not sure they are capable of other focus.
Two thoughts re: other focused leaders A.) They would start by establishing a pay scale where the head of the fish can only earn x times more than the lowest person on the ladder – some design firms do this; and B.) Success is measured by the memories they create – that is everything from making them a better person to creating a fun environment to work in like being in a playground full of kids.
Jimmy
Max:
I agree that there are glimmers of hope out there. One thing that would help is our media. Maybe if they would publicized more stories about some of the quiet leaders out there that are making their companies a more even playing ground or putting back into society vs. their lavish lifestyles it would help. And yes, I meet my fair share of Millennials that have good intentions, but always fall short becuase it is crazy out there. Good deeds takes a committment vs. talk.
Jimmy
Great post Max and thank you to Tanveer for such an opportunity to allow for leaders to collaborate here.
Max, you hit it out of the park on this one. It's a common issue a lot of us see and when it's addressed (like you did here), I think it's a great reminder of why we are all here. To help each other.
While personal development and self improvement is important, let us not forget how it is achieved. By the guidance of others. We simply cannot lead ourselves and have it be nearly effective as when we share our visions and skills with others.
Thanks again for a great post!
Geoff
Jimmy,
Thank you for your thoughtful replies! Taking the higher road is always tougher. As it is, none of us are immune from taking a path of least resistance if we aren't mindful. It makes our journey here exciting doesn't it? We do have a purpose. Lifting others is a critical step forward. Like you said, we have to walk the talk.
Max
Geoff,
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts here. Like you, I'm grateful to Tanveer as well. He does good work here, and he provokes us all to think deeper than a simple soundbite.
For me, being other focused requires constant reminders. Not because I forget that it is important, but because I can get so tied up in my own life that I fail to look around at times. We know we are happier in doing right by others — lifting others up, but like exercise, we don't always do it.
I'm on a learning journey . . . and I'm grateful you would come out to greet me on this path.
Sincerely,
Max
Geoff and Max,
My thanks to you both for the kind words. It's my goal in inviting the guest bloggers I've had so far – and will be having over the proceeding months – to introduce my readers to the unique ideas, insights and voices these wonderful people bring to the arena of leadership and business management.
I'm grateful to have them sharing their thoughts here on my blog and I look forward to their appearing here again in the future.