Saying Goodbye To The Ones We Love
The first time I met my maternal grandfather I was eleven years old, on a trip to visit the homes and places where my parents grew up and lived before moving to Canada. Sadly, it also turned out to be the only time I got to be with him as two months after our return home, he died from a brain aneurysm. While the news hit me hard, what I remember most from that fateful morning was the sounds of my mother’s mournful and inconsolable weeping, of a daughter crying out to her father who just mere weeks earlier had held her in his arms to say what turned out to be his last good-bye. Although that trip was the first and only time I ever got to be with my grandfather, as is the case with life, his passing was to be the first of many times where I’d be reminded of the inevitable truth that no one lives forever.
Of course, the loss of a loved one is something we’ve all had to deal with at one point or another, either directly in our own family or indirectly through the loss experienced by one of our friends. The sad irony, though, is that no matter how many times we experience this emotional turmoil – of feelings of pain, loss and sadness – it doesn’t get any easier to handle, nor does it help us understand better what our family/friends need us to say or do. I suppose the main reason for that is because the death of a person doesn’t simply mean the end of their life; it also marks the end of the relationships they had with those around them, of the bonds that held them together. In that light, it’s understandable that the loss of some people will impact us far greater than others and why we can never really prepare for the loss of someone dear to our hearts, no matter how many times we’ve already endured it.
This issue came to mind after hearing a friend discuss the growing reality that she might lose her dad to cancer. As I saw when my grandfather died, the loss of a parent can be difficult to handle at any age, especially if the bond between the parent and child is a strong one. The truth is the death of a parent represents not only the loss of a father or mother, but also the end of a relationship that has spanned all our life. More than any other person, our parents have been the ones that helped us shape not only our lives, but who we ultimately become.
And yet, perhaps this is one way to finally overcome our grief and sense of loss; that in the end, what will matter more is not their departure from our lives, but the impact, the difference, they’ve made to it. That’s not to say the pain would be any less or difficult; rather, that perhaps this may be that light at the end of the tunnel that allows us to make peace with this loss.
No matter how many times we suffer the pain of losing a loved one, it never prepares us for the next time we have to endure it. But maybe that’s just part of the process we need go through to remember the difference they’ve made in our lives.
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Thank you for a wonderful post on death. Indeed, death touches us all at some point in our life. Someone told me after my father died, that one lives their life in preparation for death. And certainly, my father lived a good honorable life and continues to live on through his descendants.
“A Psalm of Life” is a beautiful poem written by Longfellow on the topic of death seems to stand the test of time.
http://www.potw.org/archive/potw232.html
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Thanks Angelina. I’m glad you enjoyed this piece.
And thank you for sharing that poem by Longfellow. It is indeed a beautiful one and it does eloquently capture the feelings of sorrow and pain we all endure when that time comes to say goodbye to someone who gave so much to our lives.
Thanks Tanmay. I appreciate that.
When discussing the sense of pain and grief we all feel over the loss of someone who brought so much to our lives, I certainly do hope it serves to remind everyone of how fortunate we are to still have those we cherish and appreciate in our lives right now.
Thanks again, Tanmay, for your comment.
That was a touching post Tanveer – We tend to take life and important people in our lives for granted. When they are around, we don’t spend quality time with them and when they are gone, we repent.
Thanks for a gentle reminder, this will only help readers put things back in perspective.
Hi Tanveer,
I saw Jackie’s tweet and clicked through on the link. Wow. You sure know how to reduce a girl to a crying mess midday!
I lost my father to cancer about 20 years ago, and last year my mother. This was on the heels of the death of a dear, dear friend. It was the worst year of my life. Grief has all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. I expected the process to be linear, chronological… i.e. everything would get better if I just keep on moving forward. But it doesn’t always work that way. Grief can be incredibly random, with short unexpected bursts that almost come out of nowhere.
Our resiliency as human beings means that we pick up and get on with life without that person existing physically in it. We keep the best of them in our hearts, share the knowledge that they passed onto us (the secret to a perfect pie crust, the appreciation of a beautiful clear blue sky, the love of a good book, etc.) with our family and friends, and are thankful for the time we had.
A beautiful post, Tanveer. We don’t often reflect on death, dying, loss and grief. It’s often shuffled off to the side, chin-up, a stiff upper lip and all that.
Thank you.
Hi Charlotte,
First off, thank you so much for sharing your story of loss here. I can imagine last year must have been incredibly hard and life changing for you.
But as you said, in time we learn to move past the hurt and sorrow and begin to appreciate all the gifts our loved ones have left us as we move forward in our own lives.
I’m glad you enjoyed this piece and thank you again, Charlotte, for sharing your personal story of grief and loss.
Thank you for sharing, this is a great post that helps me to understand the importance of celebrating life and honoring the people that I love before they leave.
Hi Luay,
Thank you for the kind compliment. Those around us who help to bring meaning, joy and happiness to our lives are most certainly gifts that we should never forget to be appreciative of. I’m glad that my piece served as a reminder of that.
Thanks again for your comment.
[...] And yet, perhaps this is one way to finally overcome our grief and sense of loss; that in the end, what will matter more is not their departure from our lives, but the impact, the difference, they’ve made to it. That’s not to say the pain would be any less or difficult; rather, that perhaps this may be that light at the end of the tunnel that allows us to make peace with this loss. –Saying goodbye to loved ones [...]