Today’s piece is a guest post by Gwyn Teatro. Gwyn is a Certified Professional Coach with a Master of Science degree in Management and 15 years experience as a Human Resources Consultant to Executive and Senior Management in the Financial Services Industry. While she may have retired from the corporate world, she maintains an interest in coaching leaders with the drive to help them achieve results, both for their organizations as well as for themselves. You can read more of Gwyn’s writings on her blog, “You’re Not the Boss of Me“
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men — the other nine hundred and ninety nine follow women. – Groucho Marx
I bumped into this quote while surfing the Internet and just kept it for a while feeling that there might be something I needed to say about it. In the end, I guess I just found it amusing in a wry sort of way. And it reminded me of Mary.
Mary was my first HR boss. Before working with her, I was a clerk, an efficient yet uninspiring one.
Mary was looking for a Personnel Assistant at the time and having rifled through the roster of internal candidates that might fit her bill, she chose me.
Initially, I was very flattered until I learned Mary’s selection criteria. It was less than scientific. Specifically, Mary gave me the job because I could type; I was presentable; and I hadn’t ticked anyone off…yet.
Nonetheless, it was a step up for me into an area where I felt an affinity, so despite the questionable selection standards, I was happy to be there. And, as it turned out, Mary was to be more than a boss to me. She was a mentor who taught me something about surviving in a male-dominated, traditional organization.
Her mentorship was less about what she said and more about what she did. And, not all she did was good.
Mary had a wicked temper and while she was the sole of restraint when dealing with me, with her colleagues she tended to be less disciplined once being overheard to tell one of her male counterparts “Oh, go pee in your hat and pull it down over your ears!”
Mentorships are not meant to be about perfect relationships. At least I don’t think so. What they are about is having someone to learn with and learn from, even if it is from mistakes one or the other might make. Yes, one person in the relationship generally has more experience but in the long run, it’s more about having a place to go where empathy lives and judgment doesn’t.
Mary was my sounding board. Through her example, I learned that always looking my best was not just a nice to do. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned the importance of controlling my emotions and the negative impact on me, and others, when I don’t.
Whenever I think about Mary now, I also think about some of the ways in which she shaped me, as a professional and as a human being. And that’s a big deal.
What do mentorships mean to you?
How would you encourage mentorships in your organization?
Who do you think of when you hear the word Mentor?
What influence did this person have on your life?
I’ve been fortunate to have a couple of mentors in my life/career.
Both of them modeled for me a sense of self discipline that I was lacking. Both of them stood for what they believed in such a way that you wanted to follow them wherever they went.
I think of graciousness when I think of “mentor” Mine were gracious enough to take me under their wing and teach me while walking alongside me.
Hi Frank!
I can only agree that graciousness is an integral part of mentorships. While the dictionary defines graciousness a little insipidly ( something like pleasant and nice), I believe, like you that real graciousness comes from and unselfish generosity that is present in so many mentors.
Thank you for sharing your story and for your comments!
Gwyn
When I hear the word mentor I think of a “guide”. When I reflect on those I considered a mentor, your phrase: “having a place to go where empathy lives and judgment doesn’t” also fits. I was lucky enough to work for 2 different women early in my career who were tremendous roles models, wonderful guides in learning to navigate the corporate world and always provided that place of empathy so I could learn (and make mistakes) in “safety”.
I have been fortunate to have a few other wonderful mentors since then. it is indeed a very generous gift to give of your self to serve another in this way.
Your post has me motivated to reach out to those I have not connected with in a while and say thank you.
Hi Susan,
Yes, mentors tend to show us the way often without fanfare or recognition. They can come into our lives and then leave them before we have the chance to express our appreciation.
I don't remember if I took the opportunity to say 'thank you' to Mary while I was in the midst of learning her particular set of ropes. I hope I did because I have no idea where she is at this moment.
Thank you for your comment and for the reminder that gratitude is something that gets better with exercise.
Interesting point Gwyn – sometimes mentors do come and go, for a multitude of reasons. One being the mentee that I find often isn’t as committed to the relationship and lets external factors come in the way of the learning relationship. I also think that we have gotten too formal in the mentoring process. Let it flow vs. trying to set up company programs.
Hi Jim,
You have made me think some more! Often, I think, we don’t even recognize when we are *in* a mentor/mentee relationship. It just kinda happens and then, on reflection, we realize that we have learned a great deal from someone and haven’t really appreciated it until they are long gone, as in the case of Mary. So, I’m wondering if perhaps a seeming lack of commitment might, in some cases simply come from a misunderstanding as to the nature of the relationship.
I tend to agree with you about the formal mentoring programs. One thing they cannot manufacture is the necessary chemistry, trust and respect that are so much a part of successful mentoring relationships .
Thank you for your comment, Jim and for adding value to the post!
Gwyn
Hi Anna,
Wow, Julie sounds like a really dedicated mentor too. How lucky were *you*! Thank you for sharing your story. Such an experience kinda makes one want to be a Julie for somebody else, doesn't it?
Hi Gwyn,
My first mentor’s name was Julie. She was the owner of a local tanning salon and took me under her wing. Julie was and still is AWESOME. Like you said, I learned from and with her. When I moved away, she gave me a card that said I could always contact her if I needed anything – advice, money and even a pint of blood! I can’t even list all the things I learned from her. Her mentorship has shaped me so much; it means the world to me.
Hi Gwyn,
My first mentor's name was Anna. Unlike most stories you have heard, I hired her in my local tanning salon. What (I thought) I needed from her was just general labor around the salon with daily duties and customer care. She was finishing her bus admin degree and needed a work study program. I thought this would be a simple trade and she would simply move on.What she gave to me is, still to this day, endless. She taught me growth, trust and true love. And because of her I have put my heart into each staff member who enters our door knowing they may be a little bit of Anna. She completely reinforced my long time belief of having your heart in your business just as you would have it in your home and you will SURVIVE! It took me 2 years to complete all of her "what we need to do" check list but I did finally cross off all but one…the last one she will have to be present for.
Mentors come to us from every angle. The best ones are those who help you grow!
Hi Julie,
It seems that you and Anna have learned a lot from each other and continue to value your relationship. That is something very special.
Thank you for sharing your story. You will note that Anna has also made a comment on this post telling us about *you*…How cool is that?